A division of the Xaositects.
Head: Factor "Sly" Nye
Description: Did you know that you have rights? Guvners say you do, and so do we! We believe that 'til proven guilty, every sod, blood, and berk in this city's innocent. And that's why us Asses at Law fight for YOU, Hive!
Role in the Cage[]
Associates Associates and Associates, Associates at Law - or Ass Ass and Ass, Asses at Law - or even the AAAAAAL, if you fancy screaming it - is a reluctantly government-sponsored law firm that defends the poor, the clueless, the desperate, and the obviously guilty of the Cage. Defendants of the City Courts and the Court of Woe may apply for a Solicitor of the Asses at Law to represent their case, paid for by the City.
Their success rates? Well, while it may seem random, with their success rates in easy cases being miserably low, this is balanced out by a trend of AAAAAAL Solicitors winning near-impossible cases. How do they do this? Well, they do much of their fighting outside the courtroom, breaking every rule they can get away with, and all too often breaking those they can't. Evidence thought to be airtight turns out to have gaping holes; witnesses become unreliable, changing their stories frequently in the confusion; miraculous evidence mysteriously turns up just in the nick of time. And sometimes, when a particularly interesting case comes around, hundreds of associates will come swarming in to pick apart every detail of the thing in a matter of hours, putting the full force of Xaoitisce barely managed chaos behind a single client, often abandoning their other clients to whatever fate awaits them in the process.
Here's the wasteward catch, though. While a body wouldn't be blamed for thinking that this is a noble cause of the common people championed by the Xaositcest, in many cases it's something a little more complicated than that. See, while the Asses at Law do defend the clueless and the downtrodden of Sigil free of charge, and many of their obviously guilty clients are facing horriric punishment for breaking esoteric ancient laws, this tendency to take on near-impossible cases also extends to defending rather different clients; known criminals of the worst sorts frequently reach out to Xoacitest solicitors for representation, employing their chaotic and unpredictable legal methods to get cross-traders off who clearly did it with mountains of evidence against them with troubling success rates. Above all they give the law itself the laugh, regardless of who gets let free in the process, while the nastiest Solicitors actively try and release the worst criminals they can find to unleash more chaos upon the streets of Sigil. After all, they're often the best chance a penniless sod from the Hive's got, no matter how innocent the sod might be.